Caddy Dictionary, Golf Terms, Looper Lingo - E

EAGLE – (n/v) a score two strokes under par for the hole. 

In relation to par, this is the same as a hole-in-one.  

It can also be achieved playing on rinky-dink muni courses with drivable par 4's and short par 5’s.

Most good golfers earn them the old fashioned way, making a 3 on 500 yard plus par 5.

For 95% of the chops claiming to be golfers, a legit eagle is next to impossible!

EX: An eagle can jumpstart even the worst of rounds.

EGOCAP – (n) a handicap justified not by skill level but by shear egotism and delusion.  

These players are easy money and their egos never allow them to learn.  They seem to always find a game even though they don't have regular playing partners or many friends for that matter. 

Well known examples include:

Donald Trump – he claimed a 0 egocap once. That egotistical chop should comb over to reality and admit the hack 15 handicap he plays to.  

Dennis Quaid – claimed a 1.1 egocap.  In 2005, a famous dinosaur golf magazine had this con man as the best golfer in Hollywood.  Chop Digest are you kidding us?  Quit the charade Quaid, the loopers at Bel Air CC are hip to your golf/acting frauds.  Try making a movie that doesn’t suck, and move that decimal point one over to the right Mr. 11.

EX: They might have stood a chance in the Swinging Bridge Invitational if it wasn’t for the member's  ridiculous egocap.

EQUIPMENT – (n) anything used, worn, carried by or made to be carried for a player.

This includes: clubs, wardrobe, golf bag, golf cart, balls, tees, pencils, swing weights, ball retrievers, head covers, iron covers, towels, extra shoes, old water bottles, flasks, cans of beer, cartons of smokes, smokeless tobacco tins and pouches, dugouts of wacky tobacky, folds of cash and currency, jewels, wallets, knives, butane lighters, Zippos, sunlotion/sunblocks, eyewear/sunglasses, contact solution, cameras, candy bars, toothbrushes, fix-a-flat, and permanent markers. 

To abolish the caddy you would have to abolish the sport of golf.  Caddies aren't going anywhere!

EX: A golf caddie is considered a player’s equipment and if the player's ball hits said caddy, it’s an automatic two-stroke penalty.

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10 Rules of a Golf Caddy - Caddy Manual - Volume 4

10 RULES OF A GOLF CADDY

1) Learn the games of sabotage, shuck/jive, poker, blackjack, cloak and dagger.  

For instance, if any hack shows up with more than 14 clubs you must utilize all forms of cunning to avoid working that bag.  

2) Have an inkling where your player's ball is, at times.  

Learn how to BS the path you walk, many times players will find their balls for you.  

3) Replace divots but only if time allows.  

If the golf club you caddy at calls for sanding divots, forget it.  The carts will be a-moving.  In such a setup, you got no time for divots.

4) Avoid raking bunkers so long as it will not come back to haunt you.  

Rake on the PGA - fake in mixed play!

5) Stay ahead of and or tuck behind your players.  

This will depend upon which extra-caddicular activities you are partaking in.  Do what it takes to keep all their forced cookie cutter conversations at bay.

6) Be extremely careful around and on putting greens.  

Never offer advice.  Memorize only the 1st green and be sure you offer your players inept advice from the onset of the round.  Train them to never seek your golfing counsel again.

7) Learn how to eye or use a range finder for yardage.  

If the club does not allow range finders, cite yardage by eye.  Doing this will save you miles of aimless wanderings.

8) Handle only the player's bags worth the trouble ($$$).  

You must avoid any and every cheap player at all costs!

9) Don't ever get caught touching a live golf ball in play.  

Foot wedges can earn firings, but not touching golf balls in play can be also death, use your head and be careful. Always remember caddies -> infinite denial = your defense infinitely.

10) Always stay 2 maneuvers ahead.  

Do as little work as possible, speak in CaddyDigest caddy lingo.  If you ever do make a mistake, never admit to it!

Bonus Rule Made to be Broken: 

Show up, Keep up, Shut up 

Remember to arrive at the last possible second.

See rule 5 about keeping up with your group.  


Stay soft-spoken at least within earshot of the assho*es you are coerced into caddying for.  


As for when you are away, say whatever you feel like, they can't stop you!

What is Caddying?

What is Caddying?

To caddie is to slug or chase someone’s golf clubs around a golf course while doing the backbreaking work no golfer cares to do.

A player and caddy are part of golf's heritage of master and slave.  While it can be easy under the table cash for the keen and clever, it will be a toothless dead-end job for those refusing to read the colorful graffiti on the caddieyard wall.

What are the merits of Caddying?

Caddying gives one the opportunity to meet successful and influential people, many of whom are boring and unhappy.

To work for such folk for even 3 to 4 hours shall be complete torture, a lesson in life of whom never to work for again.

Potentially young loopers can earn caddie scholarships, although this may be at the cost of their adolescent innocence.

Aren't caddies as old as the game of golf itself?

Yes, caddying is a part of the game's love of servitude, "the way golf servants were to be enslaved."

Contrary to current folklore, the caddy might be down but he's not out - so long as there are golfers in this world there will be caddies serving them.

Catching loops helps adolescent kids learn many games (much more on those games later). Caddies get the opportunity to meet today's robots of crony capitalism, learn and quickly decipher which terrible FOG's to avoid, as well as establish rapports with some true bad asses that play this sport.

Sorry Dubs… you're no looper, you’ll never be in this club.

OK pal, isn’t caddying all but dead?

Sure, but it’s the resurgence of the caddie yard that is the only hope for golf to be charismatic again.

History proves the most memorable golfers with cool swings and personality got their start in scummy caddie yards the world over.

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