Worst Golf Club Ever Made - TOP 10 CaddyDigest

We here at CaddyDigest are attempting the impossible, we are giving a go at listing the all time worst golf clubs ever created.  

This list is ever-changing and we encourage you dear reader to post below any image links and or suggestions of specific golf clubs you think belong to this disgraceful list.  

Yes, those crappy, overpriced, unhittable, gimmicky golf clubs which should forever receive dishonorable mention as the worst golf putter, the worst golf wood, the worst golf iron, the worst golf wedge, the worst golf driver, or the worst golf club ever designed.

Loopers

A few points about our Worst Golf Club List:

• Most of the expert loopers used in researching this worst golf club ever list, grew up caddying in the 1990's.
• We tried to only consider name brand golf clubs, marketed and known to the masses.  Off brand junk-u-lus golf clubs were excluded. 
• OK, we're not the creators of the universe.  We certainly missed a terrible golf club or two.  Please share, comment, and link your most dishonorable mentions. 

All right all ready, enough of this pre-listing cowardice.  Let's look at some of the worst golf clubs ever created in descending order... from some of the worst, to the all time worst!

10. Worst Golf Club Ever - Bullet Hollow Point Driver

Erasing essential portions of customary standard equipment is a major tenant in terrible golf club design.  Be on the lookout for Taylor Made's soon to be released Grip-less Utility Wood and Scotty Cameron's Sweet Spotless Putter.

9.  Worst Golf Club Ever - Odyssey 3 Ball Putter

Nothing subconsciously programs the three jack hack better than 3 mystifying white spheres floating through the green galaxies far far away.  Star Trek's own Voyager has nothing on the swaths of distance this piece of crap putter has induced golf chops to cover.

8. Worst Golf Club Ever - Yonex Graphite Driver

It has been over 20 years since the launch of the Yonex ADX Driver.  At the time, this golf club was considered to be extremely oversized.  To this very day, lefty Michelson aside, no other man has hit a golf ball solidly using it.

7. Worst Golf Club Ever - Callaway Ely Would

Callaway's jake attempt at riding the extreme success of their "Heaven Wood".  The act got stale on the "Divine Nine" and officially became played out when the company disgraced the founder's name by placing it on the "Ely Would".  

This debacle was also the beginning of the end for women's golf bags carrying a 6, 5, 4, or 3 iron.

     

6. Worst Golf Club Ever - Cobra Baffler Blade Irons

One word's suffice for these pieces of golf design trash -> Unhittable

5. Worst Golf Club Ever - The Hammer Driver

We'll let Jack Hamm, and his cheesy voiceover pal, yell and scream on their own behalves.

4. Worst Golf Club Ever - Nike Slingshot Irons

If you think Tiger Woods uses Nike golf irons, you are wrong.  He rocks Miura designed irons.   Nike simply subcontracts the aforementioned Japanese design and then slaps their sweatshop swoosh on 'em. Doing so helps Nike continually pawn the image that Tiger actually plays the garbage slave shop irons they themselves create.  

The end results are always the same: Slick commercials. Sponsored, highly visible players donning terrible Nike gear. Sprinkle in a few public relations lies... and the tard necktar products produced get gobbled up by the clueless golf masses.

3. Worst Golf Club Ever - Cobra Tricep Putter

                                  

  

If you ever had to lug around one of these wide load 20 pound 3 putt telephone poles - well you know that too, even in golf, King Cobras can be life threatening dangers.

2. Worst Golf Club Ever - The Alien Wedge

This other worldly club was supposedly created to help clueless chops get out of dry heavy sanded bunkers.  Futuristically designed, this club can produce sound barrier breaking, laser-like skull shots from any tight fairway or bunker lie.  

One final note.  The golf club's original designer, Pat Simmons, is rumored to be a shapeshifting reptilian.  Stand clear of his path:

1. Worst Golf Club Ever - Cleveland VAS Irons 792

The most hideous shank-less golf iron ever invented.  It's disgusting club head shape is only outdone by the club's ridiculous logo which depicts its efficiency at decapitating wild snakes encountered on the golf course.  

The loopers of CaddyDigest unanimously decided, the Cleveland VAS 792 Iron is by all accounts, the worst gold club ever made.

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• WHAT?!  YOU GOT A DIFFERENT TAKE? 

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• By all means... leave us your comments, links, and suggestions below.

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• What DO YOU THINK is the worst golf club ever made? 

Player Manual - Preparing to Play - Volume 4

Preparing to Play Golf

Finally the day is upon us. It’s time to go and hit the golf ball around the park. Pumped!

On your drive to the golf course you are going to want to do some advance mental imaging. In your mind’s eye, it is the time to picture your incredible upcoming round of golf.

See yourself, in slow motion, pulling up to the smiling valet.  Your ride looks rather regal, another hand carwash upcoming.  

No need to open the door, Carlos has got it. 

Slide your way to the plush locker room as the birds chirp to your arrival.  

Upon reaching your designated cabinet you realize your next-locker neighbor is Jack Nicholson.  

Not bad Mr. Bel Air C.C.  

Go ahead, crack Jack's locker, check his stash, nobody's looking.

After tying up you wingtips, you realize your lacking some balls.  Next stop – pro shop.

PGA Robot: Good morning Mr. __(your last name)__!  How are you this morning?

You: Pro V red’s.

PGA Robot: Comp sleeve on the house.  We live to fear you sir.

You: Shut up, get my bag to the range.

PGA Robot: Certainly sir. Right away sir.

You: When I get to the first tee, it’s mine, clear the deck. And I want the best looper you got.

PGA Robot: Sir, yes sir!


To the driving range you teleport:

Peeling the tip-top rock from the pyramid, you strike that first golf ball so squarely you hardly feel recoil.  

Instantaneously you recall that beating rocks is a trivial pursuit of the masses. Why bother!? 

Your swing is as sound as a golden bell. 

Carlos humbly takes the golf club from your hand and whisks you away to the 1st tee.  

There you rendezvous with your triple threat of playing partners:

There names not important… what is of utter fu*king importance is that you got the best caddy and you are teeing off without having to wait one g*damn second longer than you care to.

CRISP!

Whack, deep-u-luss, high sexy fade, straight away, 300+ yards, center cut, all jock.  

The yard's most astute looper receives your driver with a smile digging his day’s assignment:

Being your comedic well paid mule and a 1^st hand witness to this, your unfolding round of ice capading perfect golf shots, snake charming Draino’s, and one putts.

Poof – Back to Reality!

Chances are high you are on your way to your local muni' – probably without a tee time – hoping your playing partners didn’t hit the snooze button and that the wait for the first tee isn’t as long as the span between the last time you got the chance to play.


Pull into the parking lot, you're in luck!

Your sniper spot remains free thanks in large part to the greasy dumpsters cluttering the oily pavement.  

Pop the trunk to unveil the precision instruments you plan to carve the course with.  


No time for locker rooms, slap on your golf kicks right then and there, get on with the show.

Make your way to the pro shop, forget about a fruitless search for friendly staff. 

On a public golf course you are almost always on your own – there's no market for help - service is sin. 

 OR

Ride or walk? 

Do I look handicapped to you!?  


Walk, so long as your lazy playing partners agree to drive your golf bag around strapped to their motorized 4-wheel benches.  

If you aren’t afforded the luxury of lazy golf partners make certain you don’t choke when it comes time to purchase your next golf bag (see Ping for the best). 

If the course you’re playing offers caddies, show some class and hire one. 

If the track you’re playing offers pull carts, laugh in their face and carry your own bag like a man.

Warming Up

If this muni' somehow miraculously maintains a driving range with real grass, go ahead knock 20 or so balls to get a feel for the day’s swing.  


If they only offer Astroturf mats forget it. Concrete ball-striking is a tendon devastator and ruiner of feel. 

Get to the practice putting area immediately for the greens are where your bread will be made or lost.

Your final clearance to begin play will usually come via the course’s stazi starter.

Once your name is checked off from their hit list, the blood bath may commence.

Stay tuned, up next, a bit about “Your Caddy”!

Caddy Dictionary, Golf Terms, Looper Lingo - E

EAGLE – (n/v) a score two strokes under par for the hole. 

In relation to par, this is the same as a hole-in-one.  

It can also be achieved playing on rinky-dink muni courses with drivable par 4's and short par 5’s.

Most good golfers earn them the old fashioned way, making a 3 on 500 yard plus par 5.

For 95% of the chops claiming to be golfers, a legit eagle is next to impossible!

EX: An eagle can jumpstart even the worst of rounds.

EGOCAP – (n) a handicap justified not by skill level but by shear egotism and delusion.  

These players are easy money and their egos never allow them to learn.  They seem to always find a game even though they don't have regular playing partners or many friends for that matter. 

Well known examples include:

Donald Trump – he claimed a 0 egocap once. That egotistical chop should comb over to reality and admit the hack 15 handicap he plays to.  

Dennis Quaid – claimed a 1.1 egocap.  In 2005, a famous dinosaur golf magazine had this con man as the best golfer in Hollywood.  Chop Digest are you kidding us?  Quit the charade Quaid, the loopers at Bel Air CC are hip to your golf/acting frauds.  Try making a movie that doesn’t suck, and move that decimal point one over to the right Mr. 11.

EX: They might have stood a chance in the Swinging Bridge Invitational if it wasn’t for the member's  ridiculous egocap.

EQUIPMENT – (n) anything used, worn, carried by or made to be carried for a player.

This includes: clubs, wardrobe, golf bag, golf cart, balls, tees, pencils, swing weights, ball retrievers, head covers, iron covers, towels, extra shoes, old water bottles, flasks, cans of beer, cartons of smokes, smokeless tobacco tins and pouches, dugouts of wacky tobacky, folds of cash and currency, jewels, wallets, knives, butane lighters, Zippos, sunlotion/sunblocks, eyewear/sunglasses, contact solution, cameras, candy bars, toothbrushes, fix-a-flat, and permanent markers. 

To abolish the caddy you would have to abolish the sport of golf.  Caddies aren't going anywhere!

EX: A golf caddie is considered a player’s equipment and if the player's ball hits said caddy, it’s an automatic two-stroke penalty.

Read more Caddy Dictionary, Golf Terms, and Looper Lingo!

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Caddy Dictionary, Lingo, & Golf Terms Defined - N

NÍCE - (interj) used in rejoice or to express pleasure. 

Sometimes it is used to call attention to the fact that a beautiful woman has entered the room (not too loud -> you'll scare her away). Note the accent.

EX: Did you see the new lifeguard at the club pool - níce!

NÍCEN - (n) an attractive female who exudes sexual appeal.

Never call her this to her face, only refer to other hot woman as nícens, this will drive her crazy.

EX: Ms. Keira Knightly is a smoke screen nícen.

NINE IRON – (n) derogatory term for an asian.
We are not really sure how this came into being, perhaps it has to do with the high degree slant or loft that a nine iron has.

EX: "Please put, bag on cart, I play now, back a side," muttered the nine iron.

NET – (n) the amount of hacks admitted to by a chop minus said chop's handy-cap-cheating index.

Who the hell are we kidding?  In amateur golf, cheaters do win!

EX: Bucks and Mak sold their souls for the 2010 Acacia Men’s Invitational Net Ball Championship.

NUT SHOW – (n) a testicle spectacle, performed by a birthday suit showman typically with an elastic scrotum.
Before the show Puppetry of the Penis became a worldwide hit... before there was a book available on Amazon, there was Cleveland's own Chucks and his nut show.  
Nothing better than the look on the first time watcher's face.  We are most fond of those early old school shows, the ones that were all sack with no knob.  Classy!  

EX: If you attended The Ohio State University at the turn of the millennia, chances are high you heard and or perhaps even witnessed the nut show. 

Read more Caddy Dictionary, Golf Terms, and Looper Lingo!

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