DEAD – (adj) when a player’s ball lies in a position where no favorable outcome is possible.
If you can’t drop a foot wedge on it, your player’s round and more importantly your $ may be in jeopardy.
EX: His ball position was so dead the only viable option was to replay the original shot.
DEATH MARCH – (n) a painful round that never seems to end, usually it occurs in mixed play.
Almost any round can be a death march. But if you are caught in the yard Sunday around noon, you are guaranteed a stumbling five-hour root canal.
If you find yourself counting down holes as you go, you are in the midst of a death march.
EX: Hell no, I’m not taking that loop, that’s a death march!
DEEP – (adj) describes pumping the golf ball a long distance.
The long ball striker is so respected one doesn’t even have to score well to make a living. Today there are professional tours dedicated to steak-heads who stripe the ball stupidly long.
Listen and learn as the godfather of depth yelps for yardage:
Listen and learn as the godfather of depth yelps for yardage:
EX: For golfers on par fives it is advantageous to pump it deep off the tee, setting up a better possibility of reaching the green in two strokes.
DEGASTE - (n/adj) an overt and flamboyant Italian American.
It derives from the Spanish past preterit of the make believe verb ‘degar’.
This the brainchild of high school knuckleheads choosing to create their own language instead of learning Spanish 101.
Mr Williams: ¡You gotta bee, on a you hata!
EX: Behold, two perfect degastes, Tony Soprano and "Mr. Williams".
DENTAL FLOSS STRAP – (n) a very slim wiry golf strap.
Exactly, it hurts just thinking about it.
This is typically attributable to three things:
(1) Some cheap a-hole who is unwilling to buy a decent golf bag and their 1988 leather strap has stripped down to wire:
(2) The "brilliant" golf bag designer whose strap creations were inspired by thin woman's belts or American football shoulder pads:
(1) Some cheap a-hole who is unwilling to buy a decent golf bag and their 1988 leather strap has stripped down to wire:
(2) The "brilliant" golf bag designer whose strap creations were inspired by thin woman's belts or American football shoulder pads:
 |
| ATTENTION IDIOT GOLF BAG DESIGNERS: Double straps are useless without the option of one strap. |
(3) Overpriced turn back the clock leather golf bags with no stands:
When you are in the market to buy a golf bag, see Ping for the best!
EX: This God D*mn dental floss strap is scarring my neck!
DEPRESSO - (adj) the short and better sounding version of the word, depressing.
Anything you encounter in life that sucks.
Just utter this word, you’ll feel better for acknowledging it:
Just utter this word, you’ll feel better for acknowledging it:
EX: Boss, what kind a loops are these!? Fu*king depresso!
DIMPLE – (n) round indentations on a golf ball that are designed to allow steady true flight.
Switching from a laminar flow to a turbulent flow, for a golf ball's flight, made it next to impossible for caddies to fully follow the ball.
EX: If you don’t have a wet towel you always have the saliva option to extract dirt from the golf ball’s dimples, just remember to spit, never lick!
DIPSTERS – (n) smokeless tobacco, snuff. It can also refer to the man who packs ‘em in their mouth.
It’s not just for baseball players any more ;-) pppuuuttt!
EX: A strong dipster can pack a plug on the first hole and carry it all the way to the turn.
DIVOT – (n) a dirt clod torn loose by a duffer's striking of the Earth.
Studying them can tell you damn near everything. They are akin to the scene of a murder.
EX: That’s too big to be a divot, it’s a beaver pelt.
DOGBALLS – (n) an eight on a scorecard. AKA – snowman.
If you prefer the term dogballs to snowmen, you are probably a classless chop. If you enjoy building snowmen on the golf course, you may want to move onwards and try a different game.
EX: If you bang it OB twice on a hole, chances are high you're catching a pair of dogballs.
DOGLEG HOLE – (n) a golf hole that does not follow a straight line from tee to green.
They're known to be tricky and can bite the hell out of a golfer's score. If you cannot work the ball, they will wreck any good round you got going.
EX: A left to right dogleg hole is called a dogleg right and for right handed shotmakers it calls for a fade off the tee.
DOG TRACK – (n/adj) a poor unkempt golf course.
Many loopers grow up playing local dog tracks since the clubs they work at usually only allows them to play on Mondays.
Bottom line, if green fees are modest the real greens are well maintained, the rest of the course could be a quagmire and most duffers would still have high value golf.
EX: The only golfer who complains about a dog track, is the chop who is playing like sh*t.
DORMIE – (adj) in match play when one player is up as many holes that remain in regulation, sudden death situation for the opponent.
If you are losing in a match and you find yourself dormie – it’s fu*k or walk time.
Perhaps you are winning and the match is dormie – pars will almost always do the deed.
Perhaps you are winning and the match is dormie – pars will almost always do the deed.
EX: The match was dormie on the eleventh tee, needless to say, the competition was dead.
DOUBLE BOGEY – (n/v) a score of two strokes over par on a hole.
Whatever skill a chop or golfer possesses, there is nothing likable about these ugly bastards.
EX: With the pin tucked deep and back right missing the green with a long push (righty) is virtual doom and a probable double bogey.
DOUBLE CROSS – (v) a deadly mistake where a golfer performs an opposite shaped shot then they had intended.
There is absolutely no holiness in a double cross, they can make your round a living hell.
EX: I set up for a draw then I proceeded to shove and slice the shot, a deadly double cross.
DOUBLE DIP – (v) to caddie two rounds in one day, usually this means 36 holes.
This is old school - before motorized carts made a run on caddie programs.
Today, as slow as some chops play, there are not enough hours of daylight to go twice.
These days most loopers are lucky to get out once.
EX: Eight hours, three fresh c-notes and a double dip executed, not a bad day's work at all.
DOUBLE EAGLE – (n/v) a score of three strokes below par for the hole. AKA - Albatross
It is possibly the coolest term in all of golf. A club in Ohio had the balls to name themselves after this score.
Many dimwits drool over the played out ace or hole-in-one while any golfer with a brain knows making a two on a par five is for true bad-asses only.
EX: The shot heard round the world was a double eagle executed at the 1935 Masters by an iconic ex-looper named Gene Sarazen.
DOWNHILL LIE – (n) when a ball rests on a downhill slope.
Most chops never strike these lies true. Thin weak shots are what hacks produce here.
EX: On a downhill lie it is imperative you stay down with the shot.
DOWNSWING – (n) the part of the golf swing that follows the backswing.
Many hacks will look as if look as if they are chopping wood or sometimes having seizures:
See Charles Barkley’s retarded
stuttering
chop move on the golf ball.
EX: My chop has a horrible habit of shutting his eyes during his downswing.
DRAINOX – (v/n) the act of a golf ball rolling into the hole.
It can be commanded mid-flight or during the golf ball’s roll. Demanding the ball get in the hole can be simply shortened to yelling out drainox!
Watch as Darth Vader demands drainox on yet another golf shot:
Watch as Darth Vader demands drainox on yet another golf shot:
EX: I could read the putting lines so clearly that day, when I get in that state it’s nonstop one putting drainox.
DRAW – (n/v) a shot, hit by a right-hander that slightly curves from right to left (five yards tops).
Often mistaken for a hook, a snapper, a pull, or a dying duck. These shots run like hell and go the deepest.
Hicks with strong grips typically favor draws.
EX: Players who pound the ball deepest tend to favor a high arching draw.
DRIVE – (n/v) a shot played from the teeing area.
Usually drives are performed with metal woods although many hacks would be better off if they only used irons for tee shots.
You’ve probably heard the old adage “drive for show, putt for doe”. Let us not forget that ‘show’ is half the ballgame and chicks will always dig the long ball.
EX: Great players understand that driving the ball into the fairway is paramount to scoring well.
DROPACÁ – (interj) Spain-glish for get in the hole!
EX: Come on, one time, dropacá!
DUCK - (n) a cheap golfer who vanishes at the end of a round without paying the caddie.
Sure the Caddiemaster will pay you the flat rate and charge the duck's account but this sort of behavior is classless and inexcusable.
May God have mercy on their cheap souls!
EX: I ain’t gonna work for that duck no how!
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