Caddy Dictionary, Lingo, & Golf Terms Defined - T

T – (n, adj) short for trash, a concise way to describe something repugnant or someone lacking in taste or class.
Perhaps the most refined way to describe that which is in a state of disgrace. It may be heightened to its uttermost by preceding the word with "pure" or "blazing".
EX: Banging golf balls deep without a shirt or shoes only further solidifies John Daly as the Babe Ruth of golf, it also makes him a piece of blazing T.

TAP-IN – (n,v) a gimme due to a putt's close proximity to the hole.
Beware, as choke artists will claim tap-in gimmes for any and all putts sniffing a three foot radius of the golf hole.

EX: What, you’re not going to give that to me? That's a tap-in!

TARD NECTAR (n) pop culture for the masses.
The high majority of entertainment, music, advertising, pop culture... what ever you're producing, it better be stone-dead-dumb or it has little to no chance of mainstream success.

EX: It is not possible to escape the overflows of tard nectar permeating society today.

T-DUBS - (n) Tiger-Tiger Woods y'all! Simply "Dubs" for short.
“Dubs” simply derives from Tiger Wood's "W" initial.
How hard is Jack craving Dubs' recent fall from grace?
We got to be honest, we kind of dig Dubs' new persona as a PGA villain much more than his prior know it all - god's gift to golf act.

EX: The one chink in T-Dubs' armor is knowing whether or not he is a human being.

TEE - (n) a small peg (though not large enough to be used by amputees) used for holding a golf ball for the initial tee shot. This term is also used to designate the area of each golf hole from which a player makes his or her first stroke.
For the most part they are made of wood but there have been many foolish golf peg designs throughout history: the plastic tee, toothbrush look-a-likes, and even some boosting less resistance having such tiny concave tops no steady hand, save that of a brain surgeon, can balance a ball upon it.
Damn the moron who decides to forego using the advantage of a golf tee on par 3's. Golfers do well to heed the advice of Jack almighty.

EX: On a public golf course, finding a usable leftover tee in the ground is almost as difficult as finding a caddie to carry your golf bag.

TEE UP A GOLF CART - (v) to disable the governor on a gas powered golf cart thus leaving the throttle open and flush (dangerous).
A regular cart goes 12 mph, safe and boring. Teed up carts bust the 20 mph barrier regularly. Fast and dangerous, now that's more like it!
Beware of the backfires and the unwanted attention they will undoubtedly cause you. You're right to also fear flipping the cart and breaking your neck, or having the Caddiemaster catch you cruising at dangerously high rates of speed.
*** does not encourage anyone to tee up a golf cart, it is highly dangerous and damaging to a golf cart's engine. That being now said, it's fun as all hell! ***

EX: To attain three wheel motion simply tee up a golf cart and take a sharp right-hand turn on dry concrete.

TEEING GROUND - (n) often called the tee or tee box. It is the starting point for each hole on the course.
Always encourage players to play from the tee markers they are overqualified for. For instance is your player has recently retired you may want to mention how the yellow tees welcomes all new retirees with complimentary five to thirty yard advantages per hole.
On the first tee box always explain to any and all debating macho-chops how electing the back tees has not once produced a positive round of golf for any said golf chop, anywhere, at any time in history of the golfing universe.

EX: In many European clubs the back tees, or what one might define as the golfing expert's teeing grounds, are typically restricted for use only by skilled low handicapped players, chops being prohibited from their use.

TEMPO (n) the transition of speed from the beginning of a player’s backswing to the strike of the golf ball.
It should last anywhere from 0.9 to 1.2 seconds. The best golf swings tend to contain tempo rhythms akin to symphonies adagios.

Dubs' swing is not the prettiest but this tard nectar sure is tasty!

EX: Nick Price has piston action tempo.

TEXAS WEDGE - (n) the putter, when it is used from off the green.
Always sell this club selection to chops, keep the lob wedge out of their hands. Anytime you can get a hack to avoid their clueless wedge game, the better for everyone involved.
Popularized by perhaps the greatest caddie/player the game of golf has ever known, the wee iceman from Texas, Mr. Ben Hogan.

EX: When in the fairway, even from some 10 yards off the green, most chops will end up closer to the hole if they choose a Texas wedge over a 56 degree sand wedge.

THE BOYS(n) every golf club has a few groups of well-liked, good paying/playing, down to earth gentleman who are a pleasure to serve.
These guys are the true power centers of the club. If you get hooked in with ‘em, you’re guaranteed consistent fast good paying loopage.

EX: I had the boys yesterday, $200 three and a half hours, f-ing strong.

THE TURN - (n) after nine holes, a group makes 'the turn' between the front and back nines of a golf course.
Usually players will stop briefly at the clubhouse or halfway house for a snack. Now is your chance, if you submitted to carrying bags on the front nine this is your opportunity to offer your players a golf cart. Jumbo hot dicks aside, eat whatever you get your grubby hands on, energy you will need on the back a side.

EX: If I don't get something to eat at the turn, I may pass out.

THIN SHOT (n/v) a poor shot where the golf ball is struck above it’s equator on the lower portion of the clubface.
Most of time it’s better to be thin than fat. Thin can sometimes win while fat never quite reaches what your aiming at.
Thin shots die easily and vibrate jolting your hands at impact. Typically they sound off key, and have a cutting movement on them ‘em as well.

EX: Great, last hole I thinned my balata, now it's lopsided, smiling at me!

THREE ON A CART - (n) 3 bags strapped to one cart.
It's a good mix of work and pay. Yeah maybe you'll need 3 hands but you don't have to hoof bags or run.

EX: Three on a cart is perhaps the purest form of caddying there is.

THREE PUTTERS - (n) forecaddying for three bags usually spread amongst two golf carts.
Remember, you must avoid jogging at all costs and by God be careful every time you step ahead of the chops as flying snakes will bite.

EX: I worked three putters, caught $50 a head totaling a note and half day's work.

THREE WHEEL MOTION - (n) what one can attain in a golf cart with a violent turn of the wheel from left to right.
It is a highly dangerous maneuver as ankles can be broken, carts can fall on top of people, paralysis is possible, and even death.
On the other hand, if you can get the hang of it without dying or losing your ability to walk, you will have but yet another badass trick under your bib.

EX: Hitting three wheel motion is most easily done on asphalt.

TOP (v/adj.) an errant shot when the clubface strikes the top portion of the ball causing it to roll or bounce rather than become airborne. AKA – Topped
Chops do this all the time, it’s basically millimeters away form a complete whiff. Perhaps the only thing worse than a topped dribbling golf shot is a shank.
When playing on wet tight fairways, it is possible to top a ball and double hit it on the follow through or catch it with one hand.

EX: She topped her drive and the long rough gobbled up her golf ball's near nonexistent forward momentum.

TRACK - (n) another way of referring to a golf course.
Sometimes the word “dog” is the precursor to this term, meaning a bad golf course.
EX: Sure, Highland Park looks like a dog track to an untrained eye, but the blue course’s greens are typically glassy, high bang for the buck putting surfaces.

- (n) an infected foot caused by prolonged overexposure to moisture, bacteria, and cold weather.
Always refuse to caddie in the rain. Pack additional fresh socks and talcum powder in your locker or looper bag, it’s a must to keep your caddie kicks dry.

EX: I don't think I can carry today boss, my shoes are still f-ing soaked from having to loop in the pouring rain yesterday, and I got a severe case of trench foot to boot!

TWO UP TWO DOWN - (n) to carry 2 bags while also trying to keep up with 2 players on a cart.
If you fulfill your duties, this loop merits no less than $200 even if you work in a depressed region of the country. By definition of this type of loop, you'll be working alone.

EX: Working a foursome solo, two up two down is backbreaking.
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