Caddy Dictionary, Golf Terms, Looper Lingo - F

– (n/v) a shot hit by a right-hander that slightly curves from left to right, 5 yards max (you slicing chops out there). 

Often mistaken for a slice, a cut, or a push.  Correctly executed it climbs higher than the heavens and lands like tissue paper on a babies’ tush. 

Those who favor a fade are often players with more power than they know how to handle.

EX: Most ladies agree that a controlled power fade is the sexiest ball flight in all of golf.

– (n) the closely cut, well-kept portion of grass between the teeing area and putting green.  

Some players carry disdain for their respective fairways and these players are usually just chops that spend the least amount of time within them. 

EX: That course has fairways so well kept I feel like I should take my shoes off when I walk on them.

FAT SHOT – (adj) striking the ground with a golf club before striking the ball.

No wig-dogs, a shot that is described as “fat” is neither dope, hip, or cool.  It is a horrible shot and feeling, it’s worse than hitting the ball thin.

EX: The feeling of a fat shot is only worsened by having to retrieve the cumbersome divot. 

– (n) a hardly moveable straight indicator centered in the golf hole to show its position. 

It may help to enroll in a local night class to better understand your club's pin location customs and or devices. 

Wherever the flagstick is located, it's best to be forgotten.  Most chops should aim for the middle of the green, that's it.

EX: The flagstick is back, tucked deep left, try and avoid pulling that wedge and going long.

(n) a golf shot that soars due to it’s fluffy lie in the grass which produces little to no spin.

Flyers seem to only rear their heads when playing a difficult downwind approaches to well guarded front place pins.

EX: It’s better to error short on the fear of a flyer lie than to pump one over the green beyond an OB stake.

(n) a golf shot performed with a lob or sand wedge producing high lofted, soft landing shots.

Most chops see pros play these shots on TV and make the drastic mistake of trying to reproduce what they have seen.  This usually results in skull jobs, chunks, and sometimes outright grass cutting whiffs underneath the golf ball.

EX: If you are new to golf, don’t even ask what a flop shot is, take your wedge and get the golf ball on the green.

– (n) speedy golf balls striking from the air which can startle or kill loopers. 

They have been known to strike down caddies brain-dead when not paying attention.  Many times they are pure bad luck, due to the lack of someone not yelling fore from a totally different golf hole (hacks swinging out of their shoes).  

From wherever they derive, they are scarier than hell.  Loopers must always beware of flying snakes.

EX: I was fore-caddying, day dreaming, then a flying snake hissed by my forehead.  

– (n) a fake O.G.

These people have superficial characteristics that can cloud one's initial impression.  Perhaps they may initially seem charming special in character with promising compensation. 

You for a moment even entertain that they could become a repeatable client. Then the FOG horn blows and their true disappointing ways become painfully clear and undeniable.  

Once a FOG rolls in it is best for intelligent loopers to simply disappear.

EX: Most FOG’s tend to carry blades they cannot hit squarely, dress in clothes too nice to play golf in, and give off great initial impressions which vanish like assbombs in the wind.

– (n/v) the most valuable club in a caddie’s arsenal. 

It has the ability to shave multiple strokes and it can make c-notes appear in your pocket.  ONLY to be used with cloak and care.

EX: Never be witnessed utilizing your foot wedge, never ever mate!

– (n/interj) a warning screamed aloud to let a person know that their life is in jeopardy. 

In the USA, not only does the possible victim stand to loose everything, the player who fired the ball stands to loose everything as well. 

Contrary to moronic opinion, yelling "cuatro" is not suffice warning in Central or South America (although sometimes it can be slurred in Mexico for Cointreau is said to go well with Tequila).

EX: Hey Stevie check out this flop shot... (shank) fore!!!

FORE-CADDY - (n) a caddy who works golf carts.

             (v) when caddies advance ahead of their players 
                 to watch tee shots and or take part in 
                 extra-caddicular activities.

Whether its puffing zeeks, chronyonic, packing dipsters, and or day dreaming... most caddies need to get away from there players physically and mentally.

EX: On long par fours and par fives, fore-caddying is suggested for loopers seeking relief from their players.

– (n) a loop where one drives a cart with a special harness that holds four golf bags on it. 

This is a sh*tload a work!  Your hands are gonna be full for the entire round.  

Favor the player who pays you most, and play all sides of the game to enhance your profits. 

EX: Four on a cart is a ton of work but at least you don’t have to carry a golf bag.

– (n) four golf bags usually dispersed on two golf carts. 

You are now described as a forecaddie.  Again retrain your players - their putters in their bags, not in your hands. 

Avoid running.  Ride on the back of their carts as much as possible.  On occasion, steal one of their carts to fore-caddy and escape!

Literally carrying 4 putters at a time is a nightmare, make them live it!
EX: Old man loopers prefer to work four putters over carrying bags any day of the week.

– (n) the end product of either acquiring trench foot or a bad case of athlete’s foot.  

Whatever the cause, get some medicine and never expose those things in front of anyone else, save a medical doctor.

EX: With a bad case of freak foot many loopers find themselves clawing at their shoes.

(n) terrible lie which occurs when a golf ball imbeds in a sand hazard.

Sandy dix are bad enough, add in a plugged lie to boot, God help you getting up and down from that!

EX: I knew I was gonna catch a fried egg lie, son of a bitch!

– (adj) a torturous cold temperature.

The dawn of a new day in the spring and fall spells cold dew, a wind chill of nothing nice, close to ice. 

EX:  Shivers and the feeling of being freezoid are especially commonplace during the beginning and end of a golf season.

– (n) the closely mowed collar around a putting green. 

Without it, many players terrible shots would end up where they truly belong - nestled in deep rough or embedded within a sandy hazard. 

Anyone who refers to fringe as "frog hair" needs to be punched, slapped, tripped, or shook dependent upon age and gender. 

EX: For hacks, being on the fringe is good as being on the green.

– (n) the front nine or the first nine holes of play. 

A nice front layout can attract many a player's attention, however finishing well on a fine backside is what men remember most!

Arnie, breathtaking his army.

EX: I was legally drunk on the front side from last night.

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1 comment:

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