Caddy Dictionary, Golf Terms, Looper Lingo - I, J, K
ICE – (n) state of purina. (v) getting one-up'd or worked over.
Now and again some PGA player talks trash about T-dubs, he then shows up and ices the entire tour for months on end. He's got a sh*tload of folks to ice these days.
EX: Don't even think about pulling a fast one, you’ll get iced.
ICY - (adj.) it pertains to something or someone top-notch.
This word is worth more than all idiot hip-hop diamonds combined.
EX: Being a member a top notch golf club might be cool but it would be icier to have a powerboat and go sport fishing every other weekend.
JAKE – (adj.) lame, crappy, lousy.
It is not a bad first name at all but it serves even better to delineate the things that suck.
EX: If you say The Beatles are a better all time rock band than The Rolling Stones, your jake characteristics exponentially rise.
JAM BOY – (n) the extra caddie hired who is covered in jam to attract annoying mosquitoes.
Yes, white golfing devils would hire dark skinned caddies and have them covered in jelly for the sole purpose of getting rid of the annoying bugs. History tells of colonizing British 19th and 20th century settlers did this both India and South Africa.
In South Africa this practice was ruled illegal by Nelson Mandela… in fu*king 1994! I rest my case, caddying truly is the way golf servants were to be enslaved.
EX: I say I’ve been mosquito bitten once too many today, we must secure one those kaffir jam boys at the turn!
JUICER - (n) a strong drinker of alcohol. AKA - functional alcoholic.
These are consistent drinkers who can induce large quantities of alcohol. Their tolerances are seemingly unending and since they play golf on private courses it’s almost a given that they are Caucasian. It is not the sun that makes their faces red.
It is virtually impossible to tell whether or not these players have had one or twelve drinks.
EX: That juicer never met a drink he didn’t swallow.
JUMPER / JUMPSUIT - (n) a full-length caddie uniform.
An example of these are the all white uniforms you see loopers wearing in the Masters®. Sometimes painters wear them as well. These ridiculous uniforms get their point across loud and clear – he who is master and that which is slave.
EX: Either wear a jumper or count the trees on your way out!
JUNKULUS – (adj.) a garbage golf shot.
To roll this word off one's own tongue, you can almost feel the vibration of the mishit, the immediate horizontal flight of the shank, or the pathetic second striking of a double-hit golf ball.
EX: My nerves on the first tee were apparent as I steer-jobbed a junkulus drive short and weak right of the fairway.
KOOK - (adj./n) something crazy or someone who is oblivious, forgetful, or nuts.
At a large golf club there is no end to the kooks passing through. There are also the crazy stories produced by the freak show membership, caddieyard, grounds crew, and clubhouse employees.
EX: My kooked Caddiemaster rides a fine line between being an aloof charismatic despot to a shrewd manipulative genius.
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