Caddy Dictionary, Lingo, & Golf Terms Defined - W, X, Y, Z

WATER HAZARD - (n) any lake, pond, river, ditch, or area designated to be a water hazard.
To understand the difference between a red lateral water hazard line and a yellow water hazard line is nearly impossible, good luck figuring that out.
They make for great rites of passage for they are commonly used to 'baptize' young loopers (see rats or ratóns) into the caddie program.
Beware of water hazards when blazing teed up golf carts at night.
EX: You have to carry it 220 yards to clear the water hazard so take this 9 iron and lay up.

- (n) to have moisture on one's buttock.
Easy to attain in the early morning by simply seating yourself on an outdoor bench or golf cart. Remember on a golf course, it is a must you carry a dry clean towel to fend off unending filth and moisture.
EX: I thought you guys wiped these carts down first thing in the morning? Motherfu*ker, now I got wet ass!

 - (n/adj) a derogatory expression used to describe non-blacks emulating today's dumbed down, hip hop street culture. Can be described singularly as wig-dogs and plurally as wiggadí. 
Used to belittle the person perceived to be putting on a thuggish act, those false worshipers of gaudy baubles supposedly raise one's street credibility, one who emulates the fake hollywood gangster rap projection.  

EX: The trappings and attitude of true wiggadis tend to be off-putting and repugnant.

- (adj.) the process where players measure whether or not a putt of short length is good.
It is a process where one shoves a putter head inside the cup's rim while laying the club parallel to the golf ball in question. If the ball sits within the putters' shaft short of the beginning of the grip, it is considered a gimme and the putt is conceded.
Typically this involves an old man with awful balance suffering from twitches tiptoeing through others’ putting lines. It is also sometimes called being "in the rubber".

Frankly it’s a moronic custom and it should have been banished as an irrational attempt to standardize cheating and corruption.
If the only trick for having your putts conceded were a longer shaft and less grip length, every club champion would be putting with high-tight gripped long shaft putters.
EX: Ah Bill, you'd better make sure that's within the leather before you pick it up.

WOOD (n) type of golf club with a bulbous rounded head. It was named so because the original clubs were made of wood.
The switch from the wooden driver to metal has helped the average chop mishit the ball farther and straighter. But has this advancement in technology really helped golf? Perhaps in 1979, the PGA should have told Ron Streck no metal Taylor Made in the bag, they're called woods for a reason:
The amount of real estate needed to cover the gain in golfer’s distance has grown like cancer over the decades. Titanium and two-piece genies may never be put back into their respective bottles and it appears there’s too much money involved with getting chops to buy the latest golf equipment technologies and gimmicks for this runaway train to stop.

Perhaps one day we may witness a revolutionary throwback. Some clubs may outlaw metal woods due to real estate scarcity and older course designs… it would be interesting to see some of the meatheads of today’s PGA try and bang a Macgregor persimmon driver deep.
EX: Hitting a driver or one wood off the deck with any control is rather difficult.

YIPS - (n) a mental and physical sickness that afflicts golfers who intern miss short putts due to an inability to make a smooth putting stroke.
It could be the funniest/cruelest aspect of the game of golf dependent upon who suffers from this illness.
EX: Tom Watson was considered to be one of the greatest putters of his generation until he caught a terrible case of the yips.

(n/v) smokes, cigarettes / the act of smoking.
This term stems from the Prophet Ezekiel’s supposed ability to resurrect and reign down smokes to those whom have killed off their own.

EX: I don’t have any smokes left, zeek me.

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  1. I'm curious to know what Drain-Ox is...I'm going to ask Barlow for a ZEEK now!

  2. DRAINOX – (v/n) the act of a golf ball rolling into the hole.

    It can be commanded mid-flight or during the golf ball’s roll (i.e. like demanding the ball to sit, get up, get in the hole → drainox!)

    EX: I could read the putting lines so clearly that day, when I get in that state it’s nonstop one putting drainox.