Preparing to Play Golf
No need to open the door, Carlos has got it.
Upon reaching your designated cabinet you realize your next-locker neighbor is Jack Nicholson.
Not bad Mr. Bel Air C.C.
To the driving range you teleport:
Instantaneously you recall that beating rocks is a trivial pursuit of the masses. Why bother!?
Your swing is as sound as a golden bell.
There you rendezvous with your triple threat of playing partners:
There names not important… what is of utter fu*king importance is that you got the best caddy and you are teeing off without having to wait one g*damn second longer than you care to.
Whack, deep-u-luss, high sexy fade, straight away, 300+ yards, center cut, all jock.
The yard's most astute looper receives your driver with a smile digging his day’s assignment:
Being your comedic well paid mule and a 1st hand witness to this, your unfolding round of ice capading perfect golf shots, snake charming Draino’s, and one putts.
Chances are high you are on your way to your local muni' – probably without a tee time – hoping your playing partners didn’t hit the snooze button and that the wait for the first tee isn’t as long as the span between the last time you got the chance to play.
Pull into the parking lot, you're in luck!
Pop the trunk to unveil the precision instruments you plan to carve the course with.
No time for locker rooms, slap on your golf kicks right then and there, get on with the show.
On a public golf course you are almost always on your own – there's no market for help - service is sin.
Walk, so long as your lazy playing partners agree to drive your golf bag around strapped to their motorized 4-wheel benches.
If you aren’t afforded the luxury of lazy golf partners make certain you don’t choke when it comes time to purchase your next golf bag (see Ping for the best).
If the track you’re playing offers pull carts, laugh in their face and carry your own bag like a man.
If they only offer Astroturf mats forget it. Concrete ball-striking is a tendon devastator and ruiner of feel.
Once your name is checked off from their hit list, the blood bath may commence.